Help for couples on the brink of separation

If one or both of you is considering separation, but you’re not completely sure it’s the best path, you’re in such a tough spot right now! 

Discernment counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship (i.e. not sure regular couples counseling will help), and the other  person is “leaning in” (i.e. interested in rebuilding the relationship). 

How does discernment counseling work?

Your counselor can help you decide whether to try and restore your relationship to health, separate, or take a time out and decide later.

The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future. 

The goal is not to solve your marital problems, but to see if they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your relationship at the moment. No bad guys, no good guys. 

What can I expect from discernment counseling?

You will come in as a couple, but the most important work occurs in your one-to-one conversations with your counselor. Why? Because you are starting out in different places. Your counselor will respect your reasons for considering separation, while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the relationship to health. Your counselor will also emphasize why it's important that each of you understand your own contributions to the problem, and they will emphasize possible solutions for solving the problem (which will all be useful in future relationships, even if this one ends).

Discernment counseling is not suitable:

When one person is coercing the other to participate

When there is danger of domestic violence

When one person has already made a final decision to separate